I remember sitting in the window seat of the plane, looking out at the vast, blue ocean as we were arriving to the green, lush island below into the capital, San Juan. My nerves were getting the best of me and I tried to take a deep inhale and exhale every moment I felt my heart rate rise. He was there beside me with his hand wrapped around mine, giving me gentle squeezes as if to provide me with reassurance. This was my first arrival to the island of Puerto Rico in preparation to meet my then new boyfriend's family. This was the opportunity to make a first impression. However, little did I know that the island was making an impression on me the first step I took off of that plane. With the beautiful landscape in itself and the diverse people, I was welcomed into a new world far away from my own in Michigan.
From the crowded capital city, we drove two and a half hours to the southwest corner of the island into a small countryside town named Villalba. The car crept upwards in narrow, inclined streets through the mountainside, nearly missing the edge of the cliffs as other vehicles passed. I thought I was going to be car sick with the amount of turns it took to arrive at the final destination of his parent's house. However, all of the feelings of illness vanished once we had turned the bend and came to the viewpoint of a property that touched the clouds and looked down among the town of Villalba. This was home away from home. This was the essence of why so many popular artists sang about the pride they have for their island and the beauty it comes with in their music.
I was submerged into a different culture and learned the ways of their values and way of life. Now being married to a Puerto Rican, I see the beautiful way we have experienced each other's cultures while merging them in our own marriage. Below I have shared the most noticeable differences in the Puerto Rican culture when comparing to a Midwest one with the application of lessons learned from each aspect:
1. Spanish Language
The first obvious difference we have had to navigate is language. He is native to Spanish and I with English. It truly is wonderful to hear the two combinations of our languages within the household while he is speaking over the phone to his family and I with mine. His family speaks basic English, but other relatives and friends do not. Therefore, the most difficult obstacle begins with language barriers. I sometimes have my husband's help when communicating with the family to strengthen relationships, but I also understand he cannot always be by my side for assistance. It is a slow learning process as an adult and I have had to tell myself to continue to have patience and work at it!
The language difference allows us to practice patience consistently, accept the few stumbling blocks that might come our way, value nonverbal communication of body language and gestures, and be open and curious to always learning new terms and words in our respective languages. The more you understand your partner's culture, the easier it will be to look past misunderstandings. The key here is remain open-minded and flexible!
2. Puerto Rican Cuisine
My favorite part about the Puerto Rican culture is the vast variety of tropical fruits and food platters that my husband and his family have been able to share and bring into our home in Michigan. Food is beautiful because it connects tradition with today's company and gathers those you love around the table. The differences I have noticed include the following:
- Spices: They use Sazon and Adobo as a staple for their seasoning. These are flavorful blends of salt and spices that you can put on just about anything from beef, chicken, pork, seafood, vegetables, soups, and salads. You will notice a bright, vibrant orange color when these are added to dishes.
- Cooking Base: Sofrito is their cooking base for almost every dish! The translation in Spanish is "gently fried". It is an aromatic blend of vegetables, herbs, and spices used to flavor beans, fish, rice, stews, and more. It is commonly used for cooking through the Carribbean, especially in Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic. The one we typically make in our home is an appetizing green color.
- Holiday Platters: Just like we have our traditional Christmas hams, eggnog, turkey and gravy, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, etc., Puerto Rico has a their own set of dishes for the holidays. These would include pasteles, coquito, lechon, and arroz con grandules to name a few. Pasteles are similar to Mexican tamales, but prepared with plantains instead of corn and filled with a blend of pork and potatoes. Coquito is essentially an eggnog with a tropical twist because it is coconut based that is alcoholic and served in shot glasses. Arroz con grandules is a dish made over the holidays or any other celebration that is primarily made of yellow rice and pigeon peas. However, this also can be considered a boricua staple year-round. Finally, lechon is the national dish of Puerto Rico which is a roast pork often cooked on a pit. I had seen a couple pig roasts in Michigan for graduation parties growing up, but nothing compares to the ones experienced on the island when we travel over there for the holidays.
-Main side dish of rice and beans: You will typically be served rice and beans for every meal. For our culture, I have noticed we eat more variety of vegetable sides, potatoes, and pastas.
- Tropical fruits: When we are able to walk around his parent's property, we are at an arm's reach of fresh tropical fruits such as coconuts, bananas, mangoes, limes, lemons, star fruit, quenepas, grapefruits, dragonfruit, and passion fruit. This a tropical fruit lover's paradise and provides freshness and dynamic color to the cuisine.
-Plantains: Tostones are a twice-fried plantain commonly found in Carribbean cuisine. The name is derived from the form of the Spanish verb tostar means "to toast".
- Meat, meat, and more meat: Good luck trying to be a vegetarian in Puerto Rico! Just like American cuisine, Puerto Rican cuisine has a large meat focus to each dish.
Overall, the introduction to these beautiful dishes and aspects of the food culture in Puerto Rico combined with my family's heritage of Italian and Polish dishes makes the dinner table unique and interesting. I enjoy our variety when we prepare meals together and think each dish is a wonderful ability to maintain tradition along with having some adventure into our own cuisine!
3. Party Culture and Slower Pace
I am not kidding when I like to share that in the Puerto Rican culture, they like to party!
When we have a party with my family here in Michigan, we will establish a start time and be very prompt with arriving. We typically have a maximum party duration from four to five hours if it is a holiday gathering. For his family, I notice that the time of arrival is variable. He likes to say everyone runs on "Puerto Rican time", which is most likely an hour or two after the established time. They are much more relaxed about time in their culture and have a slower pace in general. They also like to host parties for up to twelve hours. This was a big transition for me because I felt like after five hours I was already ready for bed. There is always a reason to party and it is all about fun from drinking, to lively salsa or reggeaton music, to playing dominoes.
What I learned about merging this aspect of our cultures together is for us to spend as much time as possible laughing and enjoying the moments. We look for funniness in life and share it with each other, even during difficult times. Shared happiness seems like the mortar that holds our house together. Mix humor and lightness into your marriage as consciously as you mix passion, insight, and judgement. Sometimes, the only thing that gets you over a rough spot is a smile or a joke!
The other important aspect is learning when to communicate expectations of what time we are running on- Michigan midwestern vs. Puerto Rican. A good marriage thrives on the open exchange of emotions, desires, beliefs through communication. When we set clear expectations with each other ahead of time, we set ourselves up for increased success of being on the same page.
4. Hospitality
My husband noted there was more of a focus on hospitality in his culture when making the transition and moving to the states. I can agree with that and see it first hand with his PR friend group in Michigan. They love to help everyone out without expecting an exchange for money or compensation in return. Over here, I see it often that most of our population will expect compensation in return for a skill or their time. For example, when Manny had moved to the new house in Chesterfield, his friends from Puerto Rico dropped their whole weekend to assist him in the move without expecting a return for anything because that is just what friends do.
This ideal has helped us apply the same concepts to our marriage. We are more thoughtful and intentional behind our actions when contributing to helping each other around the house and in our daily life. Marriage is not 50/50, neither is it 100/100. In a perfect world, we would all give 100% to our marriage all the time. In this world, there is an abundance of ice cream, rainbows, and lets not forget about the kittens and puppies. This is the ideal world, the perfect world, and it flat out does not exist because there are going to be days where you will only put in a quarter of the work it takes a marriage to succeed while the other partner helps with the slack. It will fluctuate and shift everyday, but the idea is that the partners will come together in the end to reach 100 together. That is the essence of balance.
5. Parrandas
Parrandas are social events that feature traditional PR music, food, and drinks. They are associated with the pride for the customs of the island and are almost always a surprise. Small groups or gatherings of friends will begin after 10 pm or later to go house to house to surprise and wake the sleeping friends during the Christmas season by breaking into a song including instruments like panderos, maracas, guiros, cuatros, and guitars. You must have food and items prepared ahead of time each night you go to sleep in preparation to host incase others stop by. It is tradition that you then join the group afterwards to the next house.
We have merged this aspect into our marriage by just realizing life is about present over perfect! Sometimes, you can get so caught up in the details preparing for a party to make it perfect when really it is best to just sit back and be in the moment of now. If you are caught in the middle of the night in Puerto Rico with a surprise parranda, you can be in your pajamas with no ounce of makeup on enjoying the company and connecting with the ones you love. The same goes for marriage. Enjoy the present, don't sweat on making every single detail perfect, and just cherish the presence of you two giving each other your undivided attentions.
6. Three Kings Day
On January 6th, Puerto Rico celebrates el Dia de Reyes or Epiphany that we call here in the states. This is a commemoration of the visit of the Three Wise Men made after Jesus was born. The culture on the island is heavily influenced by Catholic faith in comparison to the variety found in the states. The night before, children around the island gather grass or hay in shoe boxes and place them under the beds for the camels in exchange for presents. For over 135 years, the town of Juana Diaz has celebrated a festival and parade that gathers over 25, 000 people for the occasion.
This past year, we spent this holiday at home in Michigan and were able to integrate the same rituals. It was quite difficult attempting to pick the grass underneath a layer of snow, but it was all fun in the process! The merging of different holidays to create a new set to celebrate in our household has helped us learn about each other's ways and respect what is important to the other person, even if we may not have grown up with that. We welcome the change and are open minded to learning new values and meanings behind specific dates of the year.
At the end of the day, multilingual relationships and marriages are extremely enriching and fulfilling. Not only will you get to understand your own culture better, but you get to learn a new one through your partner.
To those who have not visited, I hope you get to travel to Puerto Rico one day to experience the beauty and the vibrancy of the people. The island has changed my life and has made me look forward to having children and integrating their father's culture into our home here with collaboration of the Midwest culture as well. That is the beauty of marriage- what we bring to the table and what we can integrate together moving forward. We appreciate the differences, learn from each other, and open our minds to always learning together.