“You are so strong mom; you are so strong.” I held her hand firmly as her eyes began to droop, she dropped her head back onto the head rest, and fell fast asleep as the chemotherapy treatment began to flow through her bloodstream. I held back tears. Here we were downtown Detroit within the oncology unit at the hospital attending another appointment. My dad understood the significance of taking my mom to the appointment on my own on this day in order to see the process first hand and get alone time with her. I was away from my graduate classes from Grand Rapids and on the east side this week, trying to grapple the emotions that were cascading within my head and heart. I remember studying occupational therapy material at the small tabletop with my mom and she repeated to me, “I am so proud of you, this is going to be an amazing career in your future.” However I say it though, I didn’t want there to be a future if she wasn’t going to be there. I couldn’t bear it. I could barely even think about it before the hard pit feeling in my stomach formed. She was brave, she was resilient, and she was a fighter, but most importantly she was my mom, and continues to be as an amazing role model in my life each and every day.
It was a strange time navigating together as a family. I recall the months where the new was broken to my brother and I, the months where her hair began to fall out, the one significant day where she decided to shave her head with our long-time friend and hairdresser, the months where I felt like I was walking on eggshells with my fluctuating emotions watching a loved one be diagnosed with cancer and battle the journey. It challenges your concepts and security of the future and you fight for the little moments to cherish in the now. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I lost a lot friends in the process secondary to just being in a completely different world than them. It was an important chapter in my life and my mother’s life demonstrating how much I valued my mom, how kick-ass she really was, and how much I prayed for her and needed her.
On this Mother’s Day, I wanted to reflect on how truly amazing my mom is. She birthed and raised twins, held a successful career even throughout the challenging recession of 2008, has maintained a strong knit marriage with my father coming up to 30 years now, has demonstrated resilience by being in remission from ovarian cancer for three years, and is a loving daughter to my Grandma Jean and Grandpa Carl. She is a creative soul that prepares thoughtful gifts, a great host to many parties for Marine City football and for family, master and director of the kitchen, gentle tender to her blossoming backyard garden, lover to two cats of Nala and Katie, continued leader within the household and life, free spirited camping adventurer, innovative cocktail maker, dedicated provider and fan to every sporting and school event Gunnar and I were in growing up, passionate purple lover, take charge, fun, and thriving woman who finds the positive aspect of life no matter the situation.
She is my rock through all the transitions and chapters within my life. She was nurturing throughout childhood, understanding through my rebel teenager years, comforting during trying times within undergraduate college, motivating through my graduate study years, and supportive upon meeting my future husband and throughout the wedding planning process. Every step I have taken in life, I have taken with her by my side. She is the women that truly gets me, understands me, gives me the tough love when needed to obtain more of a realistic reality. A mother daughter bond can never be broken when you have a love like ours and mom I will love you forever and ever. Thank you for always being there for me every step of the way and I look forward to many continued years together navigating life. I love you so much and am thankful to celebrate this designated day and weekend for you and with you! Thank you for showing me the tough, yet nurturing spirit, mind, and heart I need for this world because mom you truly are SO STRONG.
